GERMANY
Gather round bitches, it's story time.
Today we went to Trier as part of the 'Comenius' programme, which aims to bring together the Brits, the Germs, the Frogs, the Danes and the Norwegians (last two probably picked out of a hat) and introduce their students to one another so they can learn about culture and acceptance and such like.
Because Germany was the venue this year, Trier was chosen because its all historical and whatnot. There were about 60 of us altogether, staff included, including the one and only Hildegard who is possibly the most awesome lady in the world ever. The pretty good thing was there was quite a big English contingent, which meant I could speak some English for a change and sound like a normal person again. I called people 'mate' again today for the first time in over 3 weeks, it felt good.
So in Trier the kids were split into mixed nationality groups and we did a tour of the ancient Roman city, looking at the walls and the bath houses (or remains thereof) and how it was all destroyed by barbarians. It was quite odd in the sense that our tour guide was a 50-something year old woman with a strong New York accent, dressed as a Roman woman, who did the tour all in English, which surprised me. Granted, all the countries present all probably spoke perfect English, but it would have thrown me if English wasn't my first language, especially with that accent.
It wasn't uninteresting, it was just offputting because she told us the history of the city as if she was a Roman herself, and made frequent references to things like cameras as "light machines" as if she didn't know what they were. Yeah, I guess it would have been a little dry if she'd just lobbed facts at us but at the same time it got a little cringy.
The coolest bit was by far the old Roman gate to the city, with all its defensive aspects, with a picture of what it used to look like. It started out as the coolest bit, until I read some Roman writing that was engraved into the stone. It started out in latin, "strength and honour", or words to that effect, except it was a much longer sentence. And then at the end, painstakingly engraved into the wall were some more words. They were a little illegible, I thought it must have just been the effects of time. But I was keen to read it, so I looked closer and made out the letters one at a time.
sean sucks dik yeah.
Please note that the 'c' is deliberately missing.
That killed the entire moment for me. Welcome to this hallowed, historical ground, where a legion of Roman soldiers defended Trier against invading barbarians, before being overrun and seeing the city laid to siege. And all we have to show for it is a message accusing Sean of being gay. Seeing that contribution after all the interesting stuff sucked more than Sean sucks dick.
Then we were let loose on the city and, what with me being all about cultural experience and Roman history, I found myself in Germany's answer to Meadowhall, where I bought a microphone (take note, you skype monkeys) and then went for a döner kebab with Christian, one of the English teachers.
I offer this as a general piece of advice for all fellow language assistants who may be dining with the staff for whatever reason: if the choice of venue happens to be a kebab shop, for gods sake have it on a plate instead of in the bread thing. Sure, it's tastier in bread, but it's difficult - nay, fucking impossible! - to eat this in a manner which says "I am fit to work with children". They pack it so full of meat and lettuce and whatever else goes in when you say "Oh, mit alle bitte" that you can't eat it without looking like a retard. Its like wearing all white to a spaghetti bolognese convention. Don't do it.
This bit is for all of you that did Haus Altenberg when I did; remember the awesome Rheinland-Pfalz teacher, Stefan May? For the Leeds contingent who were there with me, he sat at our table on the last night and I kind of abandoned you with him because I was drunk as shit. (in case you don't know, shit is drunk). Anyway, whether or not you remember him, I ran into the man himself in Trier today, just in the street!
I have no idea what the German policy on 'too much information' is, but if its anything like the British one, me and Stefan must be on some sort of very 'open with each other' wavelength. I asked him what he was doing in Trier and he said he'd just been to the doctors, to have stitches in the back of his head.
"Oh my god!" Says I, "What happened"
"Well," he explains (in German) "Yesterday I wasn't very well, I was sweating and had terrible diarrhoea and I passed out and cracked my head open"
This took me by surprise. But I guess if I can't handle the truth I shouldn't have asked. It was nice to see him anyhow, regardless of the head-splitting liquid shits he seems to have.
So all in all, there wasn't much in the way of really introducing different cultures and nationalities to one another, but it was a good day. And it was pretty sweet to be able to speak english.
Theres also a possibility that Hildegard, who seems to know everyone in Neuerburg (not the most challenging of tasks) is going to ask the little bakeries and other small shops if they want me to draw pics for them; she quite likes the sketches that I've done so far, which is awesome. If I can pull off German fluency and commisioned artwork in the same year, then I'll be a happy man.
Thats all for today. Oh yeah, and Sean sucks di(c)k.
Gather round bitches, it's story time.
Today we went to Trier as part of the 'Comenius' programme, which aims to bring together the Brits, the Germs, the Frogs, the Danes and the Norwegians (last two probably picked out of a hat) and introduce their students to one another so they can learn about culture and acceptance and such like.
Because Germany was the venue this year, Trier was chosen because its all historical and whatnot. There were about 60 of us altogether, staff included, including the one and only Hildegard who is possibly the most awesome lady in the world ever. The pretty good thing was there was quite a big English contingent, which meant I could speak some English for a change and sound like a normal person again. I called people 'mate' again today for the first time in over 3 weeks, it felt good.
So in Trier the kids were split into mixed nationality groups and we did a tour of the ancient Roman city, looking at the walls and the bath houses (or remains thereof) and how it was all destroyed by barbarians. It was quite odd in the sense that our tour guide was a 50-something year old woman with a strong New York accent, dressed as a Roman woman, who did the tour all in English, which surprised me. Granted, all the countries present all probably spoke perfect English, but it would have thrown me if English wasn't my first language, especially with that accent.
It wasn't uninteresting, it was just offputting because she told us the history of the city as if she was a Roman herself, and made frequent references to things like cameras as "light machines" as if she didn't know what they were. Yeah, I guess it would have been a little dry if she'd just lobbed facts at us but at the same time it got a little cringy.
The coolest bit was by far the old Roman gate to the city, with all its defensive aspects, with a picture of what it used to look like. It started out as the coolest bit, until I read some Roman writing that was engraved into the stone. It started out in latin, "strength and honour", or words to that effect, except it was a much longer sentence. And then at the end, painstakingly engraved into the wall were some more words. They were a little illegible, I thought it must have just been the effects of time. But I was keen to read it, so I looked closer and made out the letters one at a time.
sean sucks dik yeah.
Please note that the 'c' is deliberately missing.
That killed the entire moment for me. Welcome to this hallowed, historical ground, where a legion of Roman soldiers defended Trier against invading barbarians, before being overrun and seeing the city laid to siege. And all we have to show for it is a message accusing Sean of being gay. Seeing that contribution after all the interesting stuff sucked more than Sean sucks dick.
Then we were let loose on the city and, what with me being all about cultural experience and Roman history, I found myself in Germany's answer to Meadowhall, where I bought a microphone (take note, you skype monkeys) and then went for a döner kebab with Christian, one of the English teachers.
I offer this as a general piece of advice for all fellow language assistants who may be dining with the staff for whatever reason: if the choice of venue happens to be a kebab shop, for gods sake have it on a plate instead of in the bread thing. Sure, it's tastier in bread, but it's difficult - nay, fucking impossible! - to eat this in a manner which says "I am fit to work with children". They pack it so full of meat and lettuce and whatever else goes in when you say "Oh, mit alle bitte" that you can't eat it without looking like a retard. Its like wearing all white to a spaghetti bolognese convention. Don't do it.
This bit is for all of you that did Haus Altenberg when I did; remember the awesome Rheinland-Pfalz teacher, Stefan May? For the Leeds contingent who were there with me, he sat at our table on the last night and I kind of abandoned you with him because I was drunk as shit. (in case you don't know, shit is drunk). Anyway, whether or not you remember him, I ran into the man himself in Trier today, just in the street!
I have no idea what the German policy on 'too much information' is, but if its anything like the British one, me and Stefan must be on some sort of very 'open with each other' wavelength. I asked him what he was doing in Trier and he said he'd just been to the doctors, to have stitches in the back of his head.
"Oh my god!" Says I, "What happened"
"Well," he explains (in German) "Yesterday I wasn't very well, I was sweating and had terrible diarrhoea and I passed out and cracked my head open"
This took me by surprise. But I guess if I can't handle the truth I shouldn't have asked. It was nice to see him anyhow, regardless of the head-splitting liquid shits he seems to have.
So all in all, there wasn't much in the way of really introducing different cultures and nationalities to one another, but it was a good day. And it was pretty sweet to be able to speak english.
Theres also a possibility that Hildegard, who seems to know everyone in Neuerburg (not the most challenging of tasks) is going to ask the little bakeries and other small shops if they want me to draw pics for them; she quite likes the sketches that I've done so far, which is awesome. If I can pull off German fluency and commisioned artwork in the same year, then I'll be a happy man.
Thats all for today. Oh yeah, and Sean sucks di(c)k.
