Last Friday, the new Russian assistant Maria arrived at the school, which means that I'm no longer all on my lonesome, which is wicked. She speaks better German than I do, and seeing as a third of all the students here speak good to perfect Russian, she's in a better position to make quick social connections than I am.
But she's pretty cool and we get on well, and we can only speak German to one another seeing as she only knows a handful of English phrases and my Russian has never really taken off. There's only so far that "Good morning" and "thankyou" can take you in a conversation where you want to get to know someone.
This is her when we explored Neuerburg.
This one has me in it too. I was there as well.I had my first English lesson with Frau Diana John today, another member of staff who by some incredible feat of linguistic mindfuckery isn't English or American. We were doing things associated with illness, doctors, that sort of thing. They were very impressed to hear that I was a real hayfever sufferer, which surprised me. Wait til they hear that I give blood. If itchy eyes is macho, then voluntarily pumping my own blood into a little plastic bag is gonna blow their fucking minds.
I'm also starting to think I have some sort of trustworthy, open-minded look to me that makes people take me a little too seriously. A few of you may have seen my recent facebook update concerning the way staff seem to associate me with authority and organisation, which would be the basis for a pretty good joke if the educations of 600 children weren't riding on it. And in another recent post on here, I mentioned how my Altenberg tutor Stefan opened up to me on the subject of his chronic diarrhoea, during a fleeting moment in the street.
This sort of thing is becoming a regular occurence.
I met a member of staff who I've never really seen or spoken to before today, in one of my free periods. In keeping with 'Max in Germany' tradition, his name eludes me. His English was pretty good, so we played the 'you speak English, I'll speak German' game. We talked about school and England and such crap. Then, in a moment plucked from the ovaries of Satan, completely out of the blue, he says "Mmmm, but my wife died a couple of months ago."
Fu .. what?!
I responded in the universal language of mumble.
I met this guy two minutes ago. Our relationship is moving a little fast, and not in a good way. It makes Stefan's diarrhoea story look like a love poem. And just as I thought we'd passed the moment and were just about in the clear to change the subject, maybe depart ways - anything! - he continues to talk about it. With all due respect Sir, "me and my family could see it coming for a few weeks" is NOT opening-conversation, icebreaker material.
And he enriched the story once with a heart-wrenchingly placed "but thats neither here nor there".
Actually mate, it is. It is here, there and everywhere and you're killing me inside.
And then he ended this uplifting first conversation with "but I have two children, and thats the important thing."
Yes, everyones a winner.
And after this I was utterly depressed, as consolement is difficult enough anyway, let alone in German to someone you've never met. I've never known how to react in that kind of situation anyway. "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry for your loss" is usually the winning phrase (to which the recently bereaved respond, curiously, with "thankyou"), but I didn't even know how to say that in German. I must have looked a real tosser, but what choice did I have?
And then I went to the shop with Maria and we bought German books and beer, over which we will probably discuss something which doesn't involve the recent deaths of close family members, with a bit of luck.
But that's neither here nor there.
I'm also starting to think I have some sort of trustworthy, open-minded look to me that makes people take me a little too seriously. A few of you may have seen my recent facebook update concerning the way staff seem to associate me with authority and organisation, which would be the basis for a pretty good joke if the educations of 600 children weren't riding on it. And in another recent post on here, I mentioned how my Altenberg tutor Stefan opened up to me on the subject of his chronic diarrhoea, during a fleeting moment in the street.
This sort of thing is becoming a regular occurence.
I met a member of staff who I've never really seen or spoken to before today, in one of my free periods. In keeping with 'Max in Germany' tradition, his name eludes me. His English was pretty good, so we played the 'you speak English, I'll speak German' game. We talked about school and England and such crap. Then, in a moment plucked from the ovaries of Satan, completely out of the blue, he says "Mmmm, but my wife died a couple of months ago."
Fu .. what?!
I responded in the universal language of mumble.
I met this guy two minutes ago. Our relationship is moving a little fast, and not in a good way. It makes Stefan's diarrhoea story look like a love poem. And just as I thought we'd passed the moment and were just about in the clear to change the subject, maybe depart ways - anything! - he continues to talk about it. With all due respect Sir, "me and my family could see it coming for a few weeks" is NOT opening-conversation, icebreaker material.
And he enriched the story once with a heart-wrenchingly placed "but thats neither here nor there".
Actually mate, it is. It is here, there and everywhere and you're killing me inside.
And then he ended this uplifting first conversation with "but I have two children, and thats the important thing."
Yes, everyones a winner.
And after this I was utterly depressed, as consolement is difficult enough anyway, let alone in German to someone you've never met. I've never known how to react in that kind of situation anyway. "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry for your loss" is usually the winning phrase (to which the recently bereaved respond, curiously, with "thankyou"), but I didn't even know how to say that in German. I must have looked a real tosser, but what choice did I have?
And then I went to the shop with Maria and we bought German books and beer, over which we will probably discuss something which doesn't involve the recent deaths of close family members, with a bit of luck.
But that's neither here nor there.
